Family Vs. Friends

Rarely do I go out with my family simply because I have to meet so many big mouth relative or non-relative at places we go. I realize it has been too long, and I should spend sometimes with them, so I agreed to go out after finishing some task at my friend's home. Going there, I was, again, persuaded to go to cinema with my friends and millions of "again" I told my family to leave without me. Most of the time, I felt sorry for them and yes there is no difference. I end up coming back feeling so horrible, disappointed, and just disastrous. I regret and given another dilemma, I would choose my family for sure.

Heartfelt Story of นอกสายตา

I love the story of this song. It is so touching, and I want to share with you guys.
Sing along and check the lyric out.




แอบ ยิ้ม  เมื่อ เธอ ดีใจ •  แอบ ทุกข์ เมื่อ  เธอ เสียใจ
àep yím mêua ter dee jai • àep túk mêua ter sĭa jai
 I smile secretly when you are happy, I’m secretly pained when you are depressed.

หัวเราะ และ ร้องไห้ • ไปกับ เธอ ทุกครั้ง
hŭa rór láe róng-hâi • bpai gàp ter túk kráng
(I’m) laughing and crying with you all the time

แม้ เธอ จะ ไม่ หันมา • ฉัน ยัง เฝ้ามอง ทุกวัน
máe ter jà mâi hăn maa • chăn yang fâo mong túk wan
even though you don’t see me, I see you everyday

ได้ เฝ้า ดู ห่างๆ มัน ก็ ยัง พอใจ
dâi fâo doo hàang man gôr yang por jai
Even if I only see you from a far, I am still content.

ไม่ หวัง ให้ เธอ มี ใจ • ไม่ หวง ถ้า เธอ มี ใคร
mâi wăng hâi ter mee jai • mâi hŭang tâa ter mee krai
I don’t expect you to love me, I’m not jealous if you have someone else

ไม่ หวัง ยืน ใกล้ๆ ไม่ ต้อง การร้องขอ
mâi wăng yeun glâi mâi dtông gaan róng kŏr
 I don’t expect you to be close to me, I don’t demand it, I don’t need it

ได้ ยืน อยู่ บน ผืนดิน • ผืน เดียวกับ เธอ ก็ พอ
dâi yeun yòo bon pĕun din • pĕun dieow gàp ter gôr por
 To smile on the same earth? As you, is enough for me

ฉัน ก็ มีความสุข • อยู่กับ ฝัน ของ ฉัน เท่านี้
chăn gôr mee kwaam sùk • yòo gàp făn kŏng chăn tâo née
 I am happy too to live with my dream like this

*[อยู่ นอก สายตา • ของเธอ ตั้ง ไกล
  yòo nôk-săai-dtaa • kŏng ter dtâng glai
 Out of your sight living far from you

  ฉันนั้น ก็ ทำ ได้ • แค่ มอง จาก ตรงนี้
  chăn-nán gôr tam dâi • kâe mong jàak dtrong née
  I can do that, and only keep watch over you from here

  แต่ ฉัน ยัง รอ ซักวัน • เธอ หัน มอง ผ่าน ทางนี้
  dtàe chăn yang ror sák wan • ter hăn mong pàan taang née
  but I will wait for the day,that you will pass this way and turn to see me,

  แค่ ซัก วินาที • เธอ เห็น ฉัน คน นี้ ใน สายตา
  kâe sák wí-naa-tee • ter hĕn chăn kon née nai săai dtaa        ]
 in just a few seconds, you will see me , the person in front of you?

และ แม้ ว่า นาน เพียงใด และ แม้ ว่า ไกล ดังเดิม
láe máe wâa naan piang dai láe máe wâa glai dang derm
and even though it might take long, even though we are far as always

ยัง เฝ้า รอ เธอ อยู่ • ต่อ ให้ ไกล แค่ไหน
yang fâo ror ter yòo • dtòr hâi glai kâe năi
  I will still wait for you , even though I don’t know how much longer and further it may be

ไม่เคย อยู่ ใน สายตา • ไม่เคย อยู่ ใน หัวใจ
mâi koie yòo nai săai dtaa • mâi koie yòo nai hŭa jai
 (I have) never been in your sight, never been in your heart

แต่ ขอ มี เธอ ใกล้ • อยู่ ใน ฝัน ของ ฉัน ก็ พอ
dtàe kŏr mee ter glâi • yòo nai făn kŏng chăn gôr por
 but having you close in my dream, makes me content

ไม่เคย อยู่ ใน สายตา • ไม่เคย อยู่ ใน หัวใจ
mâi koie yòo nai săai dtaa • mâi koie yòo nai hŭa jai
  (I have) never been in your sight, never been in your heart

แต่ ขอ มี เธอ ใกล้ • อยู่ ใน ฝัน ของ ฉัน ก็ พอ
dtàe kŏr mee ter glâi • yòo nai făn kŏng chăn gôr por
 but having you close in my dream , keeps me content

Dear Anonymous Stranger, I hope this message finds you well

I have spent so many night hesitating and wondering if I should write this letter to you, but tonight, I tried my best to bring all my guts writing this letter. I hope you’ll consider reading.

It’s been like almost 300 days spent growing my fonder of you. Or 7,200 hours I have spent complaining about how you look and how you should think or do and how you repel most of my ideas and how you pull my hands and hair and t-shirt or just anything that would interest you with or without my consent, and you surely know it is something I would not let any others do the same way.

Within those 25,920,000 seconds, 25 per cent was for those moments you took my breath away, like those times when you looked terribly cute in your button-down outfitters. And that instant when you were worried about your look without knowing how perfect you look. Or that lingering scent that totally disarms me the moment you grab me in your hand even though you never mean the romance.

“All this time, I loved you in silence”

For “in silence”, I believe there’s no harm. There’s no questioning or doubt. I don’t have to explain to everyone why I’m crazy over you. No one to tell me what to do about you, me or us. No one to judge my feelings. I just let myself drown in your existence, and honestly, it is where I am happiest and saddest.

There are times when loving you gives me deep pain too. I always have to put on a brave face whenever I feel like crying. You know, sometimes I feel frustrated whenever I cannot fight for you, that I cannot do anything to act upon things when you lack judgment. I can only be jealous to myself even though it kills the hell out of me all the time.

Nevertheless, I’m happy that you are still in my life, that you still linger on the walls of my vulnerable heart, that you still hold something out of the nothingness that I always feel, that you still console or apologize me when I’m mad even you know you're not wrong, that you still talk to me like good old times and bad old times, that you still chat with me when I/you feel depressed or happy, that you still tease me despite I tease you more back, that you still laugh at my silly jokes and you still show me how happy you are when we meet. I’m happy that you are still in my life. Even if it means being only friends with each other, even if it means being only the person you talk to when the night comes, when the stars turn to cover the sky, when the day comes, when the sun rays peek through the blinds that cover the walls of my imaginations of you and me, finally being together and yet that being impossible. I love you. And I hope that, despite my feelings for you and you not returning them mutually and romantically, let’s embark on a journey that will forever draw the lines and words of our lives on the papers of my thick diary and write sad and happy and melancholic poems and stories of you on the back of my notebooks when I don’t know what to do with the words overflowing to my lips, words I wanted so bad to tell you, words I wanted so bad for you to say back. I love you. Friends or what, I will always and will constantly love you. And I’m happy that you are still in my life. Again, I chose to love you this way, so please let me.

I love you into infinity and beyond.

Boring Holidays

It is Pchum Ben, and I am supposed to travel around with family going to pagoda. As a matter of fact, it has been years that I do not go to pagoda or just go once in a year. It is not that I have become an atheist, yet I just have tons of work to finish and somehow I do not feel comfortable going to pagoda. Whenever I am there, people just look at me as if I were alien or something. That scenario is not something I would want to. I will be going to pagoda in town tomorrow anyway :) Hope it will be a rewarding day and hope all of you have a great long holiday before starting class slash work again.

Bad Romance

Suddenly I have got a random thought and questions running all over my vain. Just wanna share with you all a little something about emo romance stuff. So have you ever been in love? Painful isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens up your chest and then your heart, and it means that someone can get inside you and mess up everything. You build up all these defenses so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid people, wanders into your stupid life. You give him a piece of you even he didn’t ask for it. He did something dumb one day, like kiss you, smile at you or talk to you like he never talk to anyone else, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like “maybe we should be just friends or you are not my type” turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts so bad. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It is a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. 

Greeting

Some of my friends keep asking me why I have not updated anything on the blog for so long. I don’t know why but I don’t know where my inspiration in writing has been. Life is busy, and I cannot find proper time to sit and think of something to complain :P haha just kidding!!!
Okay so this is what I did during the past week. It is all about going to provinces.
This week I have been to two provinces. I have got more things I can talk about for the first province. As a staff of UNDP, I was assigned to go to Kompong Speu province to facilitate a participant of UNDP Writing Competition in gathering stories and also to observe the work plan of UNDP project in Chambok. I am not a big fan of going to province honestly. I firstly agreed because I though Kompong Speu is the nearest province amongst all the choices I have. Nothing turned out as I expected. The first day I had to bike and walk to climb the mountain, and my body, especially my butt, was so painful. At night, we slept in villager’s house. I could not sleep the whole night just because of the sound of rain falling and the creepy feeling I got (Attention: There is no electricity in the village). I keep seeing people sitting next to my leg, and I meant it. In the morning, we woke up at 5 something in the morning to follow the villager to the forest where they go to pick up bamboo. FML!! I did not know we had to go in that freaking forest. I was so scared imagining what I possibly see in the forest, and yes the reality was much more frightening. The road was slippery as it was raining. The tall grass, thick forest, insect, reptile, parasite and stuff kept touching me, and I swear I just want to pass out. Suddenly, I remember pajamas in my bag with long pants, so I took it out and wear on my short. To feel more comfortable, I put on the rain coat for the sake that I would be less exposed to all those disgusting stuff. The picture is funny but yeah you can get some idea after all.

Seeing from all the complaints, you can easily tell that I’m not an adventurous person. Experience is all great but if I have choices, NO MORE.
The next province I went to was Kompot, which is part of my work for State Alumni. Well nothing much to talk about. Things went smoothly despite the rain.
So yeah that’s all I want to update!! Peace……

Treat people the way you want to be treated

This sentence somehow rarely works out for me. Every time I try to be good to people, bad interpretation will always turn out. No matter how nice I try to be, some people still ignore me and take me for granted. I feel so retarded, deceived, and rather disappointed.

I’m so done with you. All this time I was wasting, hoping you would come around. I’ve been giving out chances every time, and all you do is let me down. Tsk tsk…….

Little Something that Change Me

This is the mini media memoir I did in the camp with topic "Media that change you." Enjoy reading :)

“Personality,” a simple but inspiring word, has changed my life. I remember I first heard that word in one American reality show “America’s Next Top Model” when I was in my freshman year. The show has taught me how valuable a person’s personality is.

Nevertheless, personality is not something you would find in Cambodian context due to the pressure from old people and culture which has forced all the young people being cookie-cutters, which excludes the unique from the society. I, myself, was a victim of bullying due to my so-called “sissy” personality. Therefore, I was determined that one day I have to go to America where I can be myself.

From that time, I was trying to figure out all the possible scholarships available for Cambodian people, and finally I managed to find one which was Global Undergraduate Exchange Program. In the program, three criteria would be evaluated including social engagement, professional experience and leadership. I was not that type of person who would go to volunteer and help random poor people. However, because of the requirement, I had to force myself to volunteer for different NGOs in Cambodia. This had changed my life. Going to the field, teaching young children and doing fund raising for poor people, I can feel that albeit being young, I can be a hero for some people, and seeing how thankful they were, I was so proud that I told myself even if I could not go to America, community service would always be in my agenda.

Finally, I was really selected by the US Embassy to go to America, which is my dream for so long, and, I was able to embrace my personality when I was there. However, my life as a volunteer did not end there. After coming back, I have guts to lead some community service projects myself. What is most rewarding about my work is that once people see how committed I am to the society, they start to accept me for who I am more, and the bullying just faded away itself. I am contented to say that my hard work did pay off.